Echoes

Dec 3rd

“You LOOK ridiculous.” 
“These parts of your house are PLAIN.”
“She will think you are the weirdest lady EVER.”

In the past 48 hours, each of these things has echoed in my mind. Echoed… like, stays there… for a while. Gets said again. Doesn’t go away…

The enemy loves to do this. A loud whisper that continues to reverberate in my brain. It numbs me some moments. Some mornings. Some days.

But yesterday after I went up and down my stairs a handful of times looking for shoes, a scarf, a jacket, another scarf, different shoes… something to cover up the ‘ridiculous’, I decided that I was not going to be stunned by it anymore. I grabbed my keys and arrived to Bible study 20 minutes late. But I went because it is better to hear the actual truth than the lies that attempted to keep you from it that day.

And today as I thought about the “plain” of my house and the decorating holes my friends may see, and I decided that I’d rather it were really clean. Clean is something I can be pleased with, so I got to scrubbing. I don’t even have skin on 3 of my knuckles after all of it… and the happiness I feel after a hard days work overrides whatever plain spaces are around me right now. I will be exceedingly happy to fill it with friends this weekend.

I may well be the weirdest lady ever, but I was compelled to share some of my things with a new friend the day before yesterday. The offer rolled off my tongue and was as genuine as I get. And then I heard how weird that must be. But the multiple texts of thanks erased the accusers whisper of what I worry about entirely too much. And I was so glad that I was, in fact, authentically me. Loving others is never weird.

This week, I’m kicking the enemy in the teeth by going anyway, working and stewarding harder, and sharing when prompted. When I remember that he is under my feet, the echoes are cut off, and I am free.